i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize