What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
