Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
