i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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