the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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