Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
