Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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