Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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