i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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