True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
