Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
