he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
