Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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