Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
