please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
