Im at strip club and am horny
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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