Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
