idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
