I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
