I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
