you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
