ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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