rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
