Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
