walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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