I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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