I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
