I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
