you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
