rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He shit in the fireplace
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