What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
