Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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