I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
