I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
