At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
