I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
