Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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