How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
