Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
