so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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