hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
