Quick, to the slutcave!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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