I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
