summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
