that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize