A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
