I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
