It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize