Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
