Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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