Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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