if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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