I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
