im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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