A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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