and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Farmville is her only friend.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
