Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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