Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize