there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
