I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
