i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize