did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
