And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Shame is for Republicans.
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