i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am one with the molecules
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
