i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize