When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You need a sexual gate keeper
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
