Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What drink are we having for lunch?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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