id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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