Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize