dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
