I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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