Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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