Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
