i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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